The Blog

“Life is about making an impact, not making an income.” – Kevin Kruse

The week after getting back from my (much needed) personal holiday in Phoenix, AZ I got doing some reflecting. On my trip I had celebrated my 33rd birthday with my Mom, whom I’m incredibly close with. We made the trip up to the Grand Canyon, and it was spectacular. Witnessing one of the Wonders of the World can really make you pause. In the past I used to dread my birthday. I think as I was getting older, I started to become more and more disappointed that I didn’t achieve certain milestones within the time-frame I envisioned. My expectations weren’t necessarily unrealistic: I wanted to have all my kids by the time I was 30; have my own house; and I thought I’d be married by now. Not unrealistic, but… these are not things one can feasibly control. Control. That’s me- and also a huge part of the problem.

I can honestly say that this was the first year that all those thoughts and feelings of failed expectations and disappointment stopped. Maybe it was the help of the Canyon; maybe it was a little bit of added maturity. As I drove home from a belated birthday dinner with my girlfriend last week, I made some positive affirmations:

• I am 33 years old, and in perfect health
• I am in a loving relationship where I am respected and cared for
• I have a steady career in nursing and am able to provide for myself and my partner
• I have a supportive family that always has my back on every pursuit I embark upon
• I have a small, but solid group of girlfriends whom I can trust with my life, and share mutual respect for
• Each and every day I am reminded (via social media) the impact my sharing my goals and experiences have positively influenced someone else

Each of these affirmations… priceless. All of the above listed have been earned by hard work, respect, and love. The things in life that are priceless are also irreplaceable. I see a lot of people posting pics of mansions, sports cars, watches, purses that cost more than my pay check- hash tagging “life goals”. Really though?? I definitely enjoy the finer things in life, but I can tell you fancy, lavish items won’t bring you happiness. Money can make certain things a little easier, but not necessarily happier. Some of the most miserable people I have met seem to put the most emphasis on ‘things’. I have seen people have more than enough money to last twice their lifetime, but in the end it didn’t buy them their health.

I am by no means what you would call a ‘rich girl’: I work a shift work job that has an salary cap on income; I live in a modest townhouse (which I am proud to be the owner of) with basic furniture and decor; I drive a Ford SUV, but it’s reliable and doesn’t cost a mint to repair; I look for deals on groceries where I can get them. BUT I can tell you that I have a life that is EN-riched with quality friends, family, and more experiences than I ever thought that I would have- even at my age. I could not have predicted a life more full, or to be more proud of. So many of us fixate on what isn’t there. Once we stop and see what IS there, life is actually pretty amazing. One your very last day, think of who and what would be there: that is your legacy <3

“The worst thing I can be is the same as everybody else. I hate that.”- Arnold Schwarzenegger

While some might dispute me choosing to quote Arnold, fan or not, the man has done some great things in his lifetime. I use Mr. Schwarzenegger as an example because his rise to fame all stemmed from what was once an unusual anomaly: bodybuilding. It’s hard to believe now, as in recent times muscle is very much ‘in’ and desired. But back in Arnold’s heyday, it wasn’t so. It was considered freakish and strange: why would anyone want to look like that? Confident in his pursuit to be the best in the world at his craft, he did just that: and went on to succeed in many other storied achievements. He is now one of the most successful and powerful celebrities on the planet.

Many of the role models I look up to have at least one of two things in common: they overcame some type of adversity, and/or chose a road less traveled to attain success. There is no such thing as the ‘perfect journey’. In fact I find the more difficult the pursuit, the more inspiring the story.

When I began competing in fitness, my start was not easy. Many people thought it was a strange choice of sport: hardly anyone was doing it. My coworkers would vocally accuse me of not eating enough, and exercising too much: even calling me obsessed, which I was. My mother was concerned that I was going to morph into this bodybuilder and render myself beyond recognition. It was hard for her to accept me not eating the same things at family dinners. I did lose a few friendships along the way, but also gained many others. As each season went by, I continued to get better and better, and my hard work was paying off. Others started to notice this wasn’t some onetime ‘fad’ I was partaking in: I was genuinely passionate about this lifestyle. I BELIEVED in it. Fast forward 7 years later, fitness competitions are everywhere! I’m sure everyone reading this can list 3 people they know competing in some type of bodybuilding category. It’s amazing to see. The sport has become ‘mainstream’!

Competing all those years has brought me many opportunities; and the opportunities continue to present themselves. Even though I have hung up my clear platform heels, I am still very much living the fit life. That will never stop. I am so passionate about living and sharing this lifestyle that I created this very site you are on. So what is my point? There is something to be said for being true to yourself. Be unique. If there is something out there you want to do and can’t stop thinking about it: DO IT. There will always be naysayers. Even some of the closest people to you will question your decisions. You need to take a stand. Follow your instincts. Work hard on your craft and prove what you already know to be true. The more you stick to your guns and stay true to your goals and your plan, others will start to notice. They will start to see different. People are afraid of what they do not understand. It only needs to make sense to YOU. And who knows, maybe one day those very same people that questioned your aspirations will be telling others how they know you… 😉

*Photos courtesy of Taylor Oakes for BodyRock.tv

I am human. For every 5 or 6 good days, there has to be a bad one in there somewhere within the week. I am positive, yes, but sometimes life can really get to me. I tend to say ‘yes’ a lot: yes to my job, yes to my training, yes to coffee dates, social events and family functions. Once in a while I recognize the opportunity to say ‘no’. But sometimes, especially this past week- I ignore those signs and commit to everything that everyone (and myself) has asked/expected of me… until I snap.

Sometimes when I’m in public at the grocery store, let’s say, and I see a child throwing a tantrum in the middle of the produce aisle with flailing arms, loud cries, making the most obscene spectacle imaginable I think (first) “oh that poor mother”; then second “I really wish it was socially acceptable for adults to do the same.” Can you imagine how good it would feel to just explode and express all your feelings the SECOND you felt them?? The reality is, we can’t as we are to be civilized, mature, capable adults. We acknowledge that there is a time and place to express emotions, and that yelling and screaming in public doesn’t actually solve anything. In fact, we may have a whole new problem on our hands and face spending the night in a padded room somewhere!

Fortunately I am of sound mind to have an adult meltdown in the privacy of my home. Hey, I am not afraid to admit sometimes it feels amazing just to let it all out. Once the tears are dried, face is washed (ice cold water, it feels great) I buckle down to figure out the root of the problem. More often than not, I realize I am simply overwhelmed. Although I like my life busy, sometimes the mental pot just boils over. From the outside looking in it can all look like an amazing, full life- but sometimes a person can feel like they’re drowning. I am no stranger to anxiety/depression. Although I still have dips in my mood and anxious moments, I am getting better at evaluating what ails me.

This past weekend I experienced what can only be described as BURNOUT. I know this, because I have suffered from it (several times) before. Unfortunately this time I failed to see the signs leading up to my adult-meltdown.  Once I had cooled-off, I took the time to acknowledge the following:

• My work schedule is ever-changing: I work casual in 3 different departments and my schedule is different every week, and my whole week can change within a day depending on the needs of staff at the hospital; I am constantly having to adjust my life day by day, week by week.
• I have recently taken on a completely different training regime that is extremely physically taxing on my body.
• I have also been making fairly drastic changes to my diet over the past month to accommodate my new training.
• I have been sleeping similar amounts, though because of work/other schedule obligations my guess is that my average 6 hours a night just isn’t cutting it.

All the above listed are a recipe for a good ol’ burnout. Whether I am aware of it or not, my body is under STRESS.

If you yourself have ever felt supremely overwhelmed, or unexplained changes in your mood/personality ask yourself:

1. What am I REALLY upset about?
2. Is this something I can fix (if the problem is identified)?
3. What are the external stressors in my life (if the problem is unidentified)?
4. Who is the most reliable person I can talk to?
5. What are the issues that effect me the most? Will they impact me in the long term?

I am no psychological expert, but all of these really do help. Not everyone likes to talk and share, but sometimes it helps to vent to someone impartial to your situation to help you get through/validate all that you’re dealing with. It can be your spouse/partner, best friend, parent, even a therapist. I have found help from all the above- on various occasions.

Relating back to this past weekend’s situation, I realized the number one thing for me to do was REST. I needed to slow down, to decompress. It is difficult to pencil ourselves in from time to time. We make time for everyone, everything else in our busy lives that we forget about us! It’s impossible to give 100% all of the time. The world won’t stop if we remove ourselves from the next social gathering if we just need to take a break. Sometimes adults need a time-out too. In order to give our best, we must care for ourselves first.

*Images courtesy of Taylor Oakes for BodyRock.tv

As previously mentioned in last week’s blog (‘Know When It’s Time to Walk Away’) I have began training for my first-ever, full triathlon. How might a former figure competitor, gym rat, circuit-training queen come to will this upon herself?? A good girlfriend of mine messaged me and asked if I’d be up for the challenge: and like the yes-girl I am, I said ‘hell yes!!’ I actually even one-upped myself (because I’m such an arrogant brat; please note the sarcasm) and thought that a sprint distance would be too ‘easy’, and decided to go for the full distance. I am admittedly a strong runner, and since I have 16 weeks total to prepare I would just train harder at the swimming and biking. Right?!?

For those of you that don’t know, a sprint-distance triathlon is as follows: a 500 m swim; 13 km bike; 4 km run. A standard distance is double that. I am in the midst of preparing for a 1 km swim; 26 km bike; 8 km run. And it is humbling as hell.

I will share with you all my experience the first day I went for swim practice. I met with up with a friend (different friend from the one who challenged me, but also does triathlons) at the Sports Centre she trains out of, as she wanted to introduce me to her coach. She had mentioned something about having second thoughts meeting up with me, the former fitness competitor, and wearing our swimsuits: barefaced in front of each other. I laughed it off and assured her I was by no means in ‘shredded’ condition to make her feel in such a way. Come to think of it, the old-Lindsay would be far more self-conscious being in a bathing suit anything less than shoot shape herself. Weird. That didn’t happen this time.

In the women’s change room I made quick glances at noting the varied ages in the women getting ready for practice. I was most likely the youngest, if not second-youngest there. Some women were old enough to be my mother, but most were within 5-15 years my senior. Not once did I catch a glimpse of their bodies- again, weird. Women- we check each other out. It’s biological. Not in a sexual kind of way, but it’s in our nature to sort of size each other up. It’s not meant to be negative. We’re just scoping out the healthy competition!

As I walked out on to the pool deck I saw some of the others already starting their swim. They were all very well seasoned I’d say: everyone doing turnover turns (a fast way of turning around underwater while lane swimming) and swimming at rather brisk paces. The lanes were set up for 25 m-length lanes. I got in that pool water and went for it. There and back, not so bad… except I was gasping for air! The coach had noticed my efforts and stopped to chat with me. He asked me how my breathing felt; I said “it’s pretty hard.” He said it would take me approximately 6 weeks of going at least 2-3 times/week to normalize my breathing. He also said that since I have more muscle mass than average, I would have a harder time getting adequate oxygen to my tissues. Man-this is going to be MUCH more challenging than I thought! I admitted to him that I hadn’t swam like this in 20 years- a whole lifetime ago. It was very apparent I had my work cut out for me. All the other men and women in the pool were blowing me away. It was incredible watch: individuals of all ages exploding with raw athleticism. I felt a fire light inside.

Exiting the pool, it was only then that I became aware of the varied body types we all had. I was by far the tallest and most muscular- and I was also one of the slowest. I felt a pit in my stomach: my aesthetics did not serve me here. They mean nothing now. It doesn’t matter how ‘jacked’ my shoulders are: women that are half my size/stature are LAPPING me! As I showered, I thought “how am I going to adjust to this new training? Swim, 2-3 TIMES a week?? Plus biking… plus running..” I then realized that I am no longer in the business to volume-train or train for hypertrophy (muscle growth). I am strictly to prepare for the task at hand: the Coronation Triathlon, May 29th. If there is any sort of strength I am bringing to the table, it is my work ethic.

It has now been about 2.5 weeks since I fully committed to this new conquest, and so much has had to change: my training, my nutrition (I’ll get to those topics in future blogs) and most importantly my outlook. Training with a purpose gives me such a greater respect for the human body- and MY body in particular. Sure, I am a little ‘softer’ now than I would normally like. But I am the strongest I’ve been in years. I want to nourish my body as best I can. It’s about performing to my full capacity, and improving upon that. I can tell the other women in the swim group aren’t scoffing at their flaws: they’re complimenting one another on their swim, when is there next meet, oh and the new banana bread recipe they tried last night- without guilt. It’s a new culture, a positive one.

It has been said many times that it’s good to get out of your comfort zone, and I can tell you I have done just that. I have already said to myself a couple times: “what have I gotten myself into?” But I also know that’s exactly why I should be doing it. Being uncomfortable gets you to grow as person, I have found. I have a new focus, a new purpose, and a much healthier view of my own body, just the way it is. Stay tuned 🙂